As an adult how do you forgive your parents for being neglectful your entire childhood?

Answer

First you have to acknowledge that nobody is perfect. I'm not, you're not. If you feel that you have the right to blame all of your bad attributes on your parents then you certainly have to acknowledge that THEY TOO are products of their environment and maybe they just didn't know any better or didn't think what they were doing was so bad. Look for the good in them. Look for anything that could be considered a redeeming quality. When you were a kid they were big and powerful and all-important. Now you're the adult. Recognize that you too have faults and now that you're "all grown up" your parents aren't as big and powerful as you believed when you were a kid. If you don’t try to make them into “minor Gods”, it’s easier to forgive them for their mistakes.

Answer

Forgiveness is only going to work if your parents are willing to accept responsibility for what it is that you think they did or didn't do...and that may not happen because parents frequently have an entirely different view of how they raised their kids than their kids have. What may be a better approach for you is to work towards acceptance. One of the best ways to do this is to try to understand that parents are a reflection of the general population as a whole. There are smart, caring, loving, responsible, nurturing parents at one end of the spectrum, and...well, just the opposite at the other end of the spectrum. If it was your luck of the draw to get parents from the middle or even the "other end" of the spectrum, try to accept that as a fact of your life...just as parents have to accept it as a fact of their lives when they realize their kid isn't going to be an Einstein, a concert pianist, or some other sort of super star. Acceptance is about understanding that most of us are just average people, some luckier than others, and some not as lucky as others. Your parents may have done the very best they could within the limited range of their capabilities. Your willingness to accept that fact will help you to avoid seeing yourself as a victim and allow you get on with a healthier and happier life. Good luck.

Answer

"As an adult how do you forgive your parents for being neglectful your entire childhood?"

It is not a matter of forgiving your parents. It is a matter of taking responsibilty for you now being an adult. We run risk of self righteousness and becoming judgemental as witnessed by most who claim reglion and God with our parents when we take on an attitude of "Should I forgive you." It is also important to respect the family unit privacy of others.

Most in society are the products of parents that didn't know how to prepare and love them. What is most important is for you the adult now in control of your own destiny to unlearn behaviours and attitudes taught in your family that will negatively affect your own children, as well as the rest of your own life, thereby continuing dysfunction to the next generation by failing to do so.

The most important thing to remember we are not all alike nor are we a reflection of each other and we are each a sumtotal of our individual life experiences as of to date. This includes your parents.

Best wishes

Answer

First, try to be objective about the word 'neglectful'. I think all parents have been neglectful in the eyes of their children in some way. Sometimes, parents and children disagree on what is essential for a full and happy life. Sometimes there are just not enough financial resources available to provide everything a child would need except for the basic necessities of food and shelter and sometimes there is not even enough to provide that. But realize that there is a good possibility that your parents are feeling some guilt over the same things that cause you to feel resentment towards them. Recognize that there is nothing you or your parents can do now to change the reality of what happened but there are things that all of you can do to resolve whatever feelings you are currently dealing with. I applaud you for wanting to rectify what must have been a painful and confusing situation for you and wish you the best of luck!

First answer by Redbeard. Last edit by Lilydrives. Contributor trust: 309 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 66 [recommend question]